Navigating the Holidays Through Grief
The holiday season is often a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. For many, it brings an opportunity to reconnect with loved ones, exchange thoughtful gifts, and create lasting memories. However, for those who are grieving, this time of year can feel like an emotional minefield. The holidays can intensify feelings of loss, and what was once a season of joy may now feel overwhelming, isolating, or even painful.
As a therapist, I've had the privilege of walking alongside many individuals through their grief, especially during the holidays. Grief is a deeply personal experience, and there is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve. It's important to recognize that the pain of loss doesn’t disappear just because the calendar flips to December, nor does it adhere to a specific timeline. This blog is meant to provide comfort and support to those who are navigating grief during the holiday season, offering practical strategies and emotional tools to help you cope.
Acknowledging the Complexity of Grief During the Holidays
Grief can feel like a complex, unpredictable wave. It may wash over you suddenly, or it may linger quietly in the background. The holidays can amplify these emotions in several ways. On one hand, you may feel sadness, loneliness, and emptiness at the absence of a loved one. On the other, you may also experience guilt for not feeling as joyful or celebratory as others expect you to. This dissonance can make you feel as though you're out of sync with the world around you, leading to increased stress or frustration.
It's important to give yourself permission to feel all of these emotions. Grief is multifaceted—sometimes you may feel anger, regret, or even numbness. Other times, you might find moments of peace or tenderness, or you may experience bursts of laughter, which can feel conflicting. These emotions are part of the healing process, and it’s okay to embrace them as they come.
The Pressure to “Be Merry” and “Move On”
Our culture often places high expectations on people to be happy and joyful during the holidays. From advertisements to social media posts to well-meaning friends and family, there’s a societal expectation that the holidays are a time to celebrate, gather, and feel festive. For someone who is grieving, this pressure can feel suffocating.
The reality is that grief doesn’t have a set timeline. It doesn’t vanish once the holiday season ends. You may still feel a deep sense of loss even while surrounded by family and friends. It’s okay to not be okay. There is no “right” way to experience the holidays, and it’s important to honor your own needs and emotional landscape, even if that means setting boundaries or opting out of certain traditions.
If you feel that others are pressuring you to “move on” or “get over it,” gently remind them that grief doesn’t work on a schedule. Healing is a slow, ongoing process. Giving yourself space to grieve is a powerful step toward healing.
Practical Tips for Coping with Grief During the Holidays
Although there is no one-size-fits-all approach to navigating the holidays through grief, there are practical steps you can take to help you cope and care for yourself during this challenging time.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
One of the first steps in grieving is allowing yourself to feel. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the expectation that you should “move on” or that you should be able to find happiness again right away. However, it’s essential to give yourself permission to feel your grief, even if those feelings are difficult or uncomfortable.
You might experience a range of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, loneliness, or even relief. It’s also possible to feel a mix of emotions all at once. Know that it’s normal to feel this way, and that each feeling is a natural part of your healing process.
You might also want to journal or talk to a trusted friend or therapist about what you’re going through. Putting your thoughts and emotions into words can help you process your grief in a healthy way and provide an emotional release.
2. Set Boundaries
Grief can be exhausting, especially when you feel pulled in multiple directions. During the holidays, there’s often pressure to participate in various family gatherings, social events, and gift exchanges. If you’re not ready for certain activities or simply don’t have the emotional energy, it’s okay to say no. Setting boundaries is an act of self-care.
If certain events or traditions feel too overwhelming, allow yourself the freedom to skip them or attend them for a shorter period of time. Let others know what you need, and don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself first. If needed, communicate with family and friends ahead of time to set expectations, so you don’t feel caught off guard.
3. Create New Traditions
The absence of a loved one during the holidays can make old traditions feel painful or too heavy to bear. While it’s important to honor your memories, it’s also okay to create new traditions that reflect where you are in your grief journey. This might include lighting a candle in memory of your loved one, taking a quiet walk, or spending time in solitude reflecting on their life.
For some, creating a new holiday ritual may be an opportunity for growth and healing. You could spend time volunteering or donate to a cause that was important to your loved one. Doing so can provide a sense of connection and meaning during a time that may otherwise feel devoid of joy.
4. Practice Self-Compassion
The holidays can be a reminder of all that has changed, and it’s easy to fall into the trap of self-criticism. You might think you should be “doing better” or “feeling stronger” by now. But grief doesn’t work according to a linear timeline, and it’s essential to be kind and compassionate with yourself. Take a break from any negative self-talk and acknowledge that healing is a process, not an end goal.
It’s also important to recognize that there is no “right” way to grieve. Some people find comfort in being surrounded by others, while others may prefer solitude. Whatever your needs are, honor them without judgment.
5. Find Small Moments of Comfort
Grief can feel all-encompassing, but it’s still possible to find moments of peace and comfort, even during the holidays. These moments might be fleeting, but they can help you feel more grounded in the midst of your grief.
This could mean savoring a cup of tea in the morning, watching a favorite holiday movie, or listening to soothing music. You might also consider practicing mindfulness or meditation to help center yourself when feelings of overwhelm arise.
Sometimes, small acts of kindness toward yourself—such as treating yourself to something you enjoy or allowing yourself time to rest—can be a meaningful way to nurture your emotional well-being.
6. Reach Out for Support
If you’re feeling isolated or unsure of how to navigate your grief, reaching out for support is a powerful step. Whether it’s through a therapist, a grief support group, or close friends, talking to others who understand your pain can help you feel less alone.
Therapy can be especially helpful during the holidays, as it provides a safe space to process your emotions and gain strategies for coping with difficult situations. In addition, grief support groups offer the opportunity to connect with others who are experiencing similar struggles. Knowing that you are not alone can be incredibly healing during a time when grief can feel isolating.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. You don’t have to navigate grief on your own.
7. Allow Yourself to Take Breaks
It’s okay to take breaks from the emotional weight of the season. If attending a holiday gathering feels too overwhelming, it’s okay to step outside for a walk, take a nap, or retreat to a quiet space for a moment of respite. Giving yourself permission to step away when things feel too much can help you recharge and avoid emotional burnout.
8. Celebrate What You Can
Even amid grief, it’s possible to find moments of celebration. While the holiday season may never feel the same, try to focus on what you can appreciate in the present moment. You might find joy in simple things, such as time spent with close family members or friends, the beauty of the winter season, or a meaningful conversation.
Celebrating doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or pretending to be happy—it simply means acknowledging that, despite the sorrow, there is still space for love, connection, and gratitude.
Moving Forward: Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination
The holidays may never feel quite the same after a significant loss, and that’s okay. Grief is a journey, not a destination, and your relationship with the holidays will likely evolve over time. Be patient with yourself as you navigate this season, and trust that healing doesn’t happen in a straight line. Some years may be harder than others, but with time, support, and self-compassion, you will find a way to move through the grief and find moments of peace again.
If you're struggling this holiday season, please remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Reach out for support, honor your feelings, and take things one day at a time. Grief may shape your holiday season, but it doesn’t have to define it. You can find healing and hope, even in the midst of pain.
With time, love, and care, healing is possible—even during the holidays.
This post is designed to offer comfort, empathy, and practical tools for those navigating grief during the holidays. If you'd like additional resources or would like to explore any of these strategies in more detail, feel free to reach out. I'm here to help.
Lauren Donohue specializes in working with anxiety, and depression. Lauren is trained in ACT, CBT, and EMDR.